Within a crowd of people
When all is crazed or at peace
No matter what I am given to attack or craddle
Alone I Stand
No matter how blessed or cursed
No matter who is hurt
No matter where I lay my head
Alone I Stand
With the world before me
The past behind me
And the wind beneath me
Alone I Stand
With all the power that has been given me
All the humility I can find
With all the sanity that I bring
Alone I Stand
Alone I Stand but never lonely
My God enpowers me
Alone I stand with strength, courage, and love
For I am truly blessed to Stand Alone
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
BE STILL......
Around January last year I felt it for the first time. I was bundled up in my sweats and sneakers and here it came. Like fire under my skin. The walls started to close in on me and I felt like I needed to run and lay down all at the same time. "What the heck was that?" I thought to myself. It was the start of my madness. It was the beginning of what I had witnessed in others but never experienced in my own body. A hot flash. Holy moly it nearly knocked me down. I'm too young for this though....aren't I? Most likely not.
The next month my body started to change again. "What now?" I asked it. And well, it answered. Mother nature had dealt me a rather hard blow and it was a river of red. I never felt like my insides were going to come out until that day. I couldn't even stand up straight. "Would this pain and discomfort ever end?" Yes, about eight days later.
The following month I thought I would lose my mind. I could not wrap myself around what I knew was normal anymore. Nothing clicked like it used to. The colors were not the same in my mind. The songs had all changed their lyrics. I had started to see the world so differently.....or was it that I was seeing myself differently. Did I even recognize myself. It was hard to tell.
It's been a year since this all started and nothing has been the same since that first day last January. I have struggled to figure out who I am again. Starting over without the benefit of time and youth. Is this nature's way of saying "It's the beginning of the end kiddo. Get used to it." or is it God telling me "THIS is who I want you to be". I have always read that I should "Be still and listen" but I never did. I was always so busy working and doing for others that I never took inventory of what I was doing to myself or my belongings. I finanlly did "sit and be still". It was amazing the ovature that I heard. It was beyond the ocean sining its songs to me. It was more than the wind whistling its beautiful tunes. It was God talking and I said "I'm hear. I NEED to hear you Lord." and He spoke to me. It took a while for me to really hear Him but I did. He told me to sit down and be quite. He told me to take inventory of not my physical surroundings but of my inward collection of thoughts. Wow, I found it. I found Him standing right there waiting for me to say, "I'm done doing this on my own." and He said, "It's about time you let me take control".
I have let my God take control and I have regained a peace that only He can give me. I have heard others talk about this peace and I THOUGHT I had that peace once but no.....not even close. THIS.....This is having peace. I cannot begin to share what "being still" has done.
I am chosing to BE STLL because in being still, HE can move mountains.
The next month my body started to change again. "What now?" I asked it. And well, it answered. Mother nature had dealt me a rather hard blow and it was a river of red. I never felt like my insides were going to come out until that day. I couldn't even stand up straight. "Would this pain and discomfort ever end?" Yes, about eight days later.
The following month I thought I would lose my mind. I could not wrap myself around what I knew was normal anymore. Nothing clicked like it used to. The colors were not the same in my mind. The songs had all changed their lyrics. I had started to see the world so differently.....or was it that I was seeing myself differently. Did I even recognize myself. It was hard to tell.
It's been a year since this all started and nothing has been the same since that first day last January. I have struggled to figure out who I am again. Starting over without the benefit of time and youth. Is this nature's way of saying "It's the beginning of the end kiddo. Get used to it." or is it God telling me "THIS is who I want you to be". I have always read that I should "Be still and listen" but I never did. I was always so busy working and doing for others that I never took inventory of what I was doing to myself or my belongings. I finanlly did "sit and be still". It was amazing the ovature that I heard. It was beyond the ocean sining its songs to me. It was more than the wind whistling its beautiful tunes. It was God talking and I said "I'm hear. I NEED to hear you Lord." and He spoke to me. It took a while for me to really hear Him but I did. He told me to sit down and be quite. He told me to take inventory of not my physical surroundings but of my inward collection of thoughts. Wow, I found it. I found Him standing right there waiting for me to say, "I'm done doing this on my own." and He said, "It's about time you let me take control".
I have let my God take control and I have regained a peace that only He can give me. I have heard others talk about this peace and I THOUGHT I had that peace once but no.....not even close. THIS.....This is having peace. I cannot begin to share what "being still" has done.
I am chosing to BE STLL because in being still, HE can move mountains.
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